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I went to Snow Camp tonight, which is supposed to be one of the biggest and scariest haunted houses in the country. And by "haunted house" I mean one of those place where you pay to get in and people jump out at you.

Well, I was all hyped up for it, and tonight was pretty creepy as well. Jamie and I drove through several miles of empty country road, ended up at a few dead ends where I was sure some nut in a dress would drag us out of the car and rape us. Luckily, that never happened, but it was raining and pitch black out. And cold. When we finally get to Snow Camp, Jamie informs me itapos;s fucking $20

"This show better scare me so hard I crap gold," I said.

As we waited, shivering and wet in line, youapos;d see a few girls screaming as some guy with a chainsaw chased them out. Then afterwards the boyfriends and the dads would calmly walk with some kind of goofy smile on their face. This didnapos;t look too scary . . .

I have to admit, the set pieces were cool. Every room was designed after a horror movie. So you had the Jeepers Creepers room, the Saw room, the Friday the 13th room, etc. But the scare factor wasnapos;t any different from most haunted houses. Some people in costumes would jump out and yell, and youapos;d be like, "Oh, hi." The girl in front of me was scared shitless, but I came out pretty disappointed. And for $20 I should have had my arm severed off or something. There were some rooms that involved actors torturing people, so you know that by midnight, the victims wouldnapos;t be pulling off the best screams. And the ads hailed that the costumes were done by Hollywood professionals. Well, it wouldnapos;t really matter because you canapos;t see the people half the time anyways. The climax of the tour was when I tripped on some stairs.

Dammit, if I had the money and the know-how I could do a better job. And Iapos;m saying that because having people jump out at you and yell is not scary. Especially when youapos;re in a group, and guided by bored teenagers with flashlights. You know whatapos;s scary? Going to a house with one creepy guy asking you to check out his house. No guides. No lights aside from those outside. Maybe one person is seen the whole time. But a lot of it would be noises and odors, with the occasional something slipping by just out of sight. Even something as simple as drapes getting blown by the A/C would be enough to creep some people out.

I just get really frustrated when people donapos;t scare right . . . Or charge $20 for it.

Anyways, I hate my internet because it canapos;t detect the fucking modem upstairs, but it can catch the signal from both my neighbors.

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